Bachelor Party in the Bungalow of the Damned
Four or five forgettable guys hold a bachelor party at a bungalow in the Hamptons. They hire three strippers that don’t look as good as the one on the cover, and proceed to have the single dullest party in the history of movies about bachelor parties. And the strippers are vampires, or something.
It’s interesting that a movie that runs only one hour and fifteen minutes can feel three hours long, and that’s about the only interesting thing about ‘blah blah of the damned.’ Of the 75 minute run time, at seven-to eight of them are taken up with credits, while another five is devoted to an extreme close up of the groom pulling a splinter out of his finger. If it was a special effect, it was a pretty good one, if it was real, I commend the actor’s commitment to such a sad project.
The vampire-strippers (who aren’t really vampires) don’t actually undress during their act, so I guess they aren’t really strippers, either. After dancing badly, they take some of the party-goers into the bedrooms to sleep with them (at which point there is some poorly photographed nudity), but end up killing them instead. Of course, by this time, you don’t really care about the characters, so, whatever.
The deaths involve some awful special effects, including computer animation and bad makeup; made all the worse by the terrible cinematography and editing that has cameras panning and scenes flashing by so fast that you can barely make out what’s happening.
Speaking of bad directing, the fight scenes stand out as especially incompetent. There will be a close up of someone swinging a weapon, then a cut someone being hit, but with a noticeable time-lag in between. It reminds me of movies kids make with VHS cameras, where the shoot one scene, pause the recording, then start it up again for the next one, but never get the timing quite right.
The entire male cast has that ‘friends of the guy directing the movie’ feel to it. None are good, or even remotely likable; though I will give Joe Testa (Gordon) minor props for at least trying. The female cast fares a little better, though there’s only so good they can be without a proper director telling them what to do. I wonder why they didn’t just hire actual strippers? They barely have any lines to remember, and they’d at least be able to dance.
The movie looks like it was shot on video, and takes place mostly at the titular bungalow, which isn’t too much to look at. Aside from the aforementioned editing and framing problems, the movie is also very dark, so much so that at times you can’t see anything. What’s worse is that the darkest scenes are the ones with the killings, and what’s the point of a movie like this if you can’t see the jerks dying?
I do think that the people involved in this movie were trying their best; they just suck. There’s not a lot positives to fall back on: the story lacks any originality or flare, the characters are boring, and the sex and violence is sparse and badly filmed.