DVD Review: Don’t Answer the Phone!

Screen Shot 2014-02-17 at 6.58.13 AMKirk Smith is an amateur photographer.  He works mostly in the genre of fetish porn.  At the end of each shoot, he strangles and sexually assaults his models (which is never shown in the movie, only talked about).

Being something of an amateur photographer myself, I have to clarify that photo shoots generally don’t end Screen Shot 2014-02-17 at 6.56.14 AMthat way.  A handshake and a ‘thank you’ is sufficient for most people.  Of course, there are creepy photographers out there (as many models have told me); so while it may be a gross over-generalization, the character of Kirk Smith is not completely without grounding.

The title of this movie, on the other hand, makes not sense what-so-ever.  The only time the phone comes into play in the story is when Kirk calls a radio psychologist, Lindsay Gale, to brag about his kills.  The phone calls lead the police directly to the killer, so really, she damn well SHOULD answer the phone.

Screen Shot 2014-02-17 at 6.56.42 AMDon’t Answer the Phone is essentially a slasher film, but with very little on-screen slashing (well, I guess there’s on-screen strangling).  Kirk drives around town looking for victims; some are models, others just random women in their homes, all of whom find an excuse to get topless prior to dying.  Meanwhile, the police (two dull, forgettable detectives) track him down with some little help from Lindsay.

Since the killer is introduced to us in the first scene, there’s no suspense or mystery to the story.  It’s just a 94 minute exercise in who he will kill next, and when the police will stop him.

Don’t Answer the Phone is utilitarian horror – it checks all the necessary boxes, but brings nothing notable or exceptional to the table.  It’s included as part of the 12 movie, three disc ‘American Horror Stories’ DVD set from Mill Creek.  The movie looks and sounds bad and includes no extras.


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