Review: Buried Alive

Buried Alive Movie.jpgBuried Alive

Dumb college kids go to a remote cabin and are hunted down by a monster.

Zane’s ancestors used to own a gold mine; but despite taking millions of dollars worth of metal out of the ground, the money never materialized.  It seems that great grandpa mined the gold only to hide it away somewhere.  Zane, who has mental problems and was just kicked out of college, thinks that finding the gold is his best hope for the future.

Rene, Zane’s cousin, with whom he shares a near-incestuous closeness embarks with him on a road trip to the family mine (though she doesn’t know his true intent).  They take with them Danny, Rene’s terrible boyfriend; Phil, the computer nerd who Zane conscripted to research his grandfather (because Googling something requires the rarified intelligence that only a geek can provide) and two dumb girls (dressed as a cow and dog) who are pledging to Rene’s sorority.

Cow is the dumbest of the lot.  In an early scene, she’s shown to be unable to distinguish between live and stuffed animals, even after petting them.  She has a sex scene shortly thereafter which just comes off as creepy and exploitative given her issues.  Rene, likewise, creepily orders her to undress several times, and you can’t help but think, ‘Rene’s a bitch, I hope she dies soon.’

I’m not quite sure what the plot is.  I take it the grandfather’s first wife was ‘buried alive,’ then came back as a ghost, killed his family, and continues to kill his ancestors (and anyone else that happens to be around).  The one thing that can stop her is a Native American totem symbol, which is carved into a necklace once owned by wife number one, and now by Rene, and also happens to be tattooed on the back of Dog’s neck (which we discover during a lengthy scene in which she dances in her underwear).  Dog is the only remotely likeable character in the movie; her only real character flaw is that she associates with such awful people.

The ghost kills with an ax, usually cutting people in half.  The effects are graphic, but I’m not sure if they’re anatomically accurate (there’s just a lot of indistinguishable red stuff inside the kids).

Buried Alive looks okay, the acting is tolerable, and the make-up is detailed (if not always believable); but the story is underdeveloped, and the characters are mostly just annoying.

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